No gentlemen, not THAT kind so put away the camera and the sex toys, you sickos.
If you've read my journal, you know I have three cats...one half grown kitten who thinks he is tough but still has a kitty screechy voice, one eunuch who is fat and no longer feels he has to prove anything other than he really is God, and one who is a bit** and is proud of it.
Well, Merlin, the kitten, has been practicing his pouncing "Yeah buddy i'm a tough dude" skills lately & I often find myself watching, belly hurting, as I laugh hysterically watching him get his butt whupped. Merlin weighs MAYBE two pounds and who does he pick for his opponent? Yep, you guessed it... Ferret, the 20 pound freak show cat. I have always said cats have very definite personalities and todays episode clinched that in my head. Merlin kept torturing Ferret, whose usual response is to raise one paw, lazily swat merlin into a wall, then walk away while merlin sits like a cartoon character shaking his head and whimpering. Today though, I guess Ferret had had enough and while this will sound unbelievable, I swear to you it really happened.
Merlin came over to Ferret and started his usual "my voice hasnt hit puberty yet" growling and hissing. Ferret looked at him and hissed a warning, just the ONE warning. Merlin did a two step backwards as if he couldn't believe his playmate was talking back, then while standing as far away from Ferret as he could manage, reached out his front paw and swatted Ferret on the face. He did this a few times, alternating it with the usual pounces that got him batted to the wall. Ferret had not moved from his spot and had not made one sound since the first warning, but the look in his eyes would make ME hesitant to meet him in a dark alley (my cat...the mafia goon).
Suddenly Merlin did one LAST pounce. Ferret jumped back (I didnt know blubber boy could move that fast), leapt into the air and landed on top of Merlin. He still uttered no sound... what did he do instead? He laid down... ON MERLIN. He then looked over at me laughing my ass off, meowed sweetly at me once, and lifted his paw and started cleaning himself. Merlin was stuck under fat boy, all I could see through my tears was a twitching tail and I could hear a muted whimpering meow. Ferrets belly kept bouncing up and down, and I'm not sure if it was him deliberately bouncing to increase the torture or Merlins wiggling to escape his furry tomb that was doing it. Not ONE bit of that cat was visible other than his tail LOL.
Ferret calmly continued to clean himself with a look on his face that can only be described as smug and satisfied lol. Finally, not expecting a response, I stopped laughing long enough to say to him to get off of Merlin before he smothered him. He looked at me, meowed again, got up without even one backwards glance and jumped on the computer keyboard (his way of saying hi). Merlin got up, walked in a crazy little circle for a sec, then staggered over to the couch, ostensibly to regain both his breath and his dignity. Personally, I think it's a lost cause. No way he is going to live this down. I am pretty sure he will be a headline on the 11 o clock kitty news.