I Want I Want I Want

All my life I have people watched. I've mentioned before that I have a soft spot for the elderly. So many times, especially here in this rural area where marriages tend to last longer, I have watched old couples.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. They will slowly walk side by side, her hand with its soft paper thin skin tucked neatly into his weathered palm. They come to a door and he will open it as his other hand slides to the small of her back or to her arm and he helps her through the doorway.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. I see them in restaurants. She will pull his plate over to her as he sits and picks at his napkin or his hat with trembling fingers. She will slowly, carefully, cut his food for him. Then with a smile and a pat on the hands, she will push it back to him and look at him with loving eyes as he eats his meal. She may not have prepared it this time but I wonder how many meals she has made for him... how many times she has helped him as he aged.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. Bad times and good times, watching family members die, maybe even outliving their own children. Being poor, maybe having times with money. Fighting, making up, loving each other throughout it all.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. They've spent it sleeping in the same bed, sharing each others warmth, maybe sleeping by hospitals beds crying and praying for the other to get better.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. They watch as the other goes from young and strong with firm limbs, shining hair and bright eyes to a person who walks stooped over on frail legs. The hands that used to tenderly hold them in the dark hours of the night now shake and have lost their strength. They see dark hair turn to silver, bright eyes lose the luster of youth. Yet, they still seem to see that graceful girl they danced with or that young man who held their first child oh so tenderly.

Forty years, fifty years, sometimes more they have been together. Then one day,one of them has to stay in that hospital bed or just doesn't wake up in the morning. A lifetime of memories...of wants...of needs... hopes and dreams. As hard as it must be to be the one left behind, I want, I want, I want. I want those memories... those wants, those needs, those hopes and dreams. I want the hand on the small of my back as I slowly walk through a doorway. I want my hand held, my hair stroked, my warmth shared. I want the fights, the making up, the silvered hair. I want the magic.

"Where've you been I've looked for you forever and a day
Where've you been I'm just not myself when you're away

They never spent a night apart; for sixty years she heard him snore.
Now they're in the hospital in seperate beds on different floors
Clair soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family
she never spoke a word again, then one day they wheeled him in
he held her hand and stroked her hair, in a fragile voice she said

Where've you been I've looked for you forever and a day
Where've you been I'm just not myself when you're away
no, I'm just not myself when you're away"
"Where've You Been"- Kathy Mattea